Friday, April 21, 2006

I am a bad person

I should have updated long before today, but things have been a bit hectic in the CakeorDeathery lately. Much of what I wrote about in my last post is in the process of being carefully mended. It will take time, but since all parties involved have agreed that it is worth the effort of preserving the relationship, it will be done. When writing that last entry, my emotional reservoir was full of quick-drying cement, to use Mrs. Kennedy's analogy. It won't be easy, and I'm sure things will relapse a couple of times in the process, but at least my reservoir is more of pancake batter this week than cement.

I honestly don't know how things went from the blackest of black to a mid-grayish so quickly, especially because I thought it was impossible. I'm unspeakably glad they have, though.

On the the lighter and brighter side of life, I got an interesting phone call the other day. See, some of you don't know this, but from the age of 5 to 20, I was a stage performer. Musicals, plays, choir performances... I did it all. Just before my 20th birthday, however, I overdid things. I was conducting a children's choir, member of my university women's chorale, member of my church choir, and singing in a wedding -- all in one month. My voice crashed on Christmas after a month containing over 30 rehearsals and performances. I was plagued with sinus infection after sinus infection, cold after cold, and continual laryngitis. I had to quit all my choirs, go on moderate vocal rest for 8 months, and haven't sung since then.

So anyway, this call was for an audition... for a professional-grade community choir. I'm seriously considering auditioning. Its just a matter of deciding if I want to spend countless hours this summer getting my voice back into shape and refreshing myself in sightreading (which I was never really good at, actually). It will also require some minor lifestyle changes if I'm really going to be serious about this -- things like drinking a LOT more water, cutting down on soda and coffee, no raising of my voice anymore (like at baseball games, etc.), and just getting over the fact that I'd have to sing in front of Dan when practicing. I know, I have a weird complex about practicing in front of people. I don't like them to hear me when I sound bad, but I can't exactly kick Dan out of the apartment for an hour or two a day.

I'll probably change my mind six times a day until the audition, but as of right now, I think I'm going to try it. I miss being part of something that makes good music... knowing that you're creating something of beauty is a release of sorts, and a spiritual balm of sorts. Not in a religious sense, but in a personal sense. I've always felt that pushing myself as a musician was a way of pushing myself as a person. I've never outgrown a bit of stage fright, but music pushes me to get over it enough to get on with life. I've never liked being in large groups of strangers, but musicians working together have a certain solidarity to them that helps me get over that, too.

Yes... I think I'll do this.

3 comments:

Beca said...

You're a lovely person.

What happened the other day? We grows curioser and curioser.

And I think the chorus would be a lovely thing to do.

Cathy said...

Since this is a patching-up-in-progress, I deemed it better to stay vague after all, as I don't want to jeopardize htis opportunity.

Also, welcome to Blogspot :-)

Anonymous said...

Less soda and coffee is always good in my book. I'm all for your doing this. I remember all those months of chatting with you while you (still) had a cold, and after that there was no more singing you ... so this is great news, if you decide to do it! Go Cathy! This would be a great reason for someone to call you, if ONLY to order you to sing on the phone ... some silly song in Olde English, or even better, one of those you used to shriek while standing on corners when you used to sing with the ... um, what was the name of your group? The Hot Tostones? The Angry Spirulina? Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was two words.

And yes, it would be a leoflic thing to do.